God is a good God

is there ever an end?

if i got my cca, i want my internship in a bank. if i got it in a local bank, how i wish i got it in a global bank. if i got into a global bank, how i wish i am in front office. if i get the contract, how i wish i was the vp who's bullying me instead. if i'm the vp, the president is so annoying, if only i am him. if i'm the p, how i wish i was born rich and is the shareholder instead, putting the pressure on him. ig i'm the director of the board, how i wish i am the director of ANOTHER BOARD instead.

If i'm Li Ka shing, how i wish i'm warren buffet.

will we ever get satisfied?

then i realized sumthing. no wonder my parents are happy. they may be just working adults slogging their life off, nothing compared to the CEOs playing golfs, but none can say they're not as happy. satisfaction is the most important thing in life. there's this chinese phrase, "知足常乐". finally, it actually take me like 23 years to understand a little bit of it. without Him, I would not be here I am. I would not have gotten gd results in my O's and A's. I would have failed my army course because of that stupid flu. I would not have grew in my self confidence, like when i'm the 2nd marksman and 1st marksman in my battalion (1st and 2nd year respectively). I would not have known tania and change my personality so much.

its never ending to compare yourself with others, seeing ticky got morgan, marvin got deutsche, chen jian wen's legendary merrill lynch stories blah blah blah. instead, by being happy with wad i'm blessed with, it makes me feel good.

Also, as i've been thinking for a long time, maybe more than half a year, i should be focus more on God. I like the way people are so focused on God. and i think ppl who earn just enough to survive but are super devoted to Him are much more happy and fortunate than the billionaires who worry that their wealth will disappear overnite (some did when the financial crisis struck).

so, i shd stay faithful, knowing that everything will be alright with Him watching over us.

forsaken all i trust him
vs
fully entrapped and recreant

feels lyk enlightenment

When i first learned that ticky got an internship at morgan stanley, i was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. On one hand happy for him, securing an intern in possibly the 2nd largest global investment bank (used to be IB wad), on the other disappointed in myself. he said he didnt start applying for intern until mayb start feb, but i started way since from dec. but still, he got more interviews and eventually an intern despite all these financial turmoil. proud of his ability to beat our seniors who are dean listers, 1st class, penultimate students blah blah. but me? wad am i doing? i have only a couple of interviews, which i even missed a phone interview by barclays cuz i overslept, and i nv got passed the 1st round. wad am i doing?

i wanted to go for sep, but the initial objection was that i dun wana leave tania. but as the crisis worsen, my parents' income took a huge hit too. and now, going to denmark, one of the richest country in europe, seems lyk an unfilial idea. also, factors that pushed me to going for sep in spite of all obstables are disappearing too. i got my corp fin in the end. so i dun really need to clear finance mods overseas in fear of lack of bid points. my gf understands the benefits of sep, and we have learned to trust each other enough to be able to be separated for so long. many of my frenz are going sep too, so i probably wun be se bu de so much. also, tania's 21st, we sorta can do sumthing about it already, since her mum sorta agree that she would allow tania to fly off for a couple of days. so now, its juz the financial problem. i guez you can nv stop solving the problems, they jus keep popping up.

starting to be disappointed in God, asking him why his child, me, is not blessed with excelling in these times, struck down just like the others. then i began to stop my envy and jealousy, and start to look at other less fortunate ppl, and realized God has indeed been blessing me. my qualifications are still not bad, shd end up with a degree sumhow. my cap is not bad. my life is not bad. my gf is good. and most importantly, i have God. it is Him who always pull me out of crisis. when i'm in need He's always there. shall dedicate a post for him next.

leukemia

why are ppl so young getting cancer so young? in a span of two weeks, i happen to know of two person who got leukemia. one of them melvin, i dunno who, but a request for the donation of blood was forwarded to me by vincent. the other one is xiao ou, a girl from science. i have since joined her group, but so busy that i could not go donate anything to her.

life is so fragile.

God, I pray for all of my family and friends (and myself) that you can protect us from the devil and give us good health. I pray this i jesus name, amen.

where do we go?

i duno wad else better to say.

jialiang actually dedicate a line in his blog for me. asking me to stop my self condemnation ( well i dun deny that) and miss the times where we worship together side by side. of cuz i still. rem. even the times when we were at jurong west and we jump together! but still... things are different now.

was looking at sum of the vt subzone fotos. and see their fotos at marina barrage, at the beach, at veron's bdae, at sooo many places. to think that i was part of that a few years ago.

just because i cant bring frenz? why muz the church be about frenz frenz frenz and frenz. i know, that any soul saved is the best news in heaven. but why must EVERYONE be the evangelist when sum are juz not cut out to be it? I've been in two cell that dissolved. annie's, howard's. Dear's worse, she was in Shan shan's as well. and its all about? no growth. i mean, why dissolve a cell juz because its not growing? florence, tania and evon were such gd frenz, they were quite on too. were. so are ppl in annie and howard's cell. i mean, check out the effort made by joel and zihao laz time. not even the need to mention all the sacrifices made by shan shan annie and howard. but in the end? wad do they get? is frenz really THAT important that we can sacrifice our existing members? How many has come, and how many has left? i am in no position to say anything for i've only been here for a few years unlike those who started out at the hollywood theatre. but hey, at least for my coming-5-years here i've seen so many ppl leaving, and most of them, disappointed by man more than by God.

Also, wad happen to those ppl who left? what if they wana come back? are they given a chance to come back? why are newcomers so sought after by the ppl but not the backsliders? aren't they away from God too? Why condemn the backsliders and pursue so much of newcomers and forgot about the frenship we forged in the past?

For ppl who still can come back easily because they have a few frenz left, not so bad, ppl lyk desmond, kelvin blah blah.. but to those who have problems coming back, be it no more frenz, all strangers, paiseh, wad then are their fates? even if they wana come back? where do they go? why the difference in attitude towards backsliders and newcomers? if brock, flor, weisiang, fiona (note i didnt mention ppl lyk nick and andrew who can come back easily) wana come back, where do they go?

if me n tania wana be in a cell group again, but we state outright that we are really unable to evangelise, where do we go? which cell group leader dares to take the cursed two and sacrifice the entire cell group away, seeing his/her own work goes down the drain in a few months time?

disapppointment by men turns ppl away from church, and turning away from church turns ppl away from God. men make mistakes, and brings sorrow to the backslider and God.

ya, self-condemn again. but who is there to give me a hand? if jia liang stop being my only true fren in church, if annie stop treating us lyk we are in her cell and save seats for us. where do we go?

crap

To me, i think that personality is a hoax. therefore, wadeva you want to know about me, its probably the exact opposite of the analysis below. :)

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

finally

finally, got the time to sit down and do up my NYR

ok. lemme see. even tho its supposed to be a new year resolution, new year has long passed and i guez this would be my goal list instead! :)

Short term goals:

1) IPPT GOLD! received my ICT notice. damn. hate it. tot i can siam but still... haiz.. nvm, i shall go get my 400 bucks. heez. hopefully.

2) Driving license. Really wana get a driving license so on speical occasion i get get my dad's car or rent a more decent car to drive dear around. altho it has been a long time since i laz drove, but the tot of being banned to get driving license still haunts me.

3) Set my mind on whether i'm going to copenhagen or not. For those who don't know, yes, i've been accepted into Copenhagen Business School in Denmark for a 4-5 month exchange starting this Aug. Was glad initially. but damn sian after that cuz got soooo many factors pulling me back.
Family,
Gf,
Budget (Denmark, Norway, Switzerland has always been well known for being expensive cities to live in, like how Tokyo, HongKong and Singapore in Asia)
Studies (i got my corp fin this sem, so not so much worries on finance major)
Haiz... just wish i can make up my mind soon.

3) Buy that stupid sweater which I cant find anywhere!!

4) Find an internship! haiz.. still cant find any. dead.

5) Master Bloomberg. Not really master but proficient enough to generate the reports I need.

6) Catch up on my studies.

7) Finish preparing TAG
including a grarantee cert and album


Mid term

1) Catch up with friends

2) Get my CFA 1

3) Know God more, active in Church

4) Improve on my guitar, and also to jam more and hopefully able to perform sumwhere

5) this is the most crazy of all. but one day. i hope i can be with a group of frenz dancing in the mrt. yea yea, i know it sounds lyk step up 2, but not that. not exactly that actually. we wun be masking our faces, and we will do appropriate legal research before that. bringing in botting, popping, locking, hip hop, even ballroom dancing. record it down. post on youtube. nice. ;) juz hope we dun get caught.

Long term

1) Bring dear go travel.
a) first stop: batam/bintan rot whole day. preferably at banyan tree resort where the ocean goes rite into your house. kewl.

b) Taiwan: Taiwan is sooooo memorable to me when I went there a few years ago. The night market and huge chicken chop (twice of Singapore shihlin's one), taipei 101, liu fu chun, and wana go kao siong theme park and so much more sight seeing!

c) Europe - UK: Buy a monopoly board. Go to each of the places on the board in UK, such as King Cross Station etc. take the figurines, posed, take foto in front of the station or street sign, including the Jail and carpark (juz go anyone of them). damn. so hard to explain but i got a whole plan ready.

d) Around the world - Love park.
refer to here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOVE_(Sculpture)
i wana go all around the world and take photos with ALL the love sculptures, especially the one in Love Park in Philadelphia. A short list of the cities would be: 6th Avenue New York, Pratt Institute Brooklyn New York, Lehigh University Asa Packer, Indiana, New Orleans, Utah, Las Vegas, Wichita Kansas, Taipei, Tokyo, Orchard Road (duh....), Bilbao Spain, Vancouver Canada, Lisbon Portugal, Bangkok Thailand, Shanghai China. Gosh. Check that out man.

2) Not just decent, but a damn good job.

2) Repay my debts

3) Terrace town house.

4) Sports Car before 28 (tuscani included, hahaha)

5) Starts a business with dear :)


Whoa, one hell lot of wishes. hope its attainable. :)

rushing homework

have been rushing my homework, cant sleep, and decided to blog here a little.

kept telling myself to blog but just cant seem to find the time. mayb i'm a person who believes in prioritizing. and it actually means that if i put sumthing as the laz priority, i wun get it done no matter how much i convince myself.

BUT, i'm finally here. tho i have forgotten wad i wana blog about. but shall try to make the first step.

ok. recess week. one word. unproductive. tried as i might, i accomplished little, mostly dampened by my comfy bed and enticing tv dramas. oh no. how how how? i'm so dead. i pon jap laz laz week. then dun have the notes. been trying to read the TG to complete the notes to no avail. i'm dead meat. corp fin still dun really understand wad it is really about. as in the 30% homework. not to mention haven check, duh..

dead dead dead. but still, not totally useless. the one-day event at deutsche bank was good. how good? i'll blog about it nx time, hopefully. and the interview at ocbc securities. cui. totally cui. but i learnt a lot. and i also learnt much of wad i lack.

also, i've met up with martin b4 he left, as well as went for the barbeque session (in the rain, epic battle with the pit, once in a lifetime experience) with kaleong yixiang fer yuhan and xuanzhi.. realized i haven really done my part as a fren, trying my best to keep my frenship going.

hmm, anything else? i guez no. still doing my ny resolution. once its done i will put it up, soon. :)