juz another saturdae..

mood: ??
weather: not bad but neither isit good
song now: gei ni de ge..

todae.. woke up at jialiang house.. hafta go for a blood donation at joochiat..
jialiang house --176--> bukit batok --mrt--> eunos --cab--> j.c cc (blood donation which took super super long..) --cab--> fer's house (back to hillview).. then ps jialiang and yuhan n martin and stayed with fer they all.. the thing is i dun even noe about toae and i dun plan to go for todae's one.. haiz.. i dun wana go cuz i obliged to go.. i wana go cuz i wana go.. cuz i oreadi set on tmr going.. haiz.. sianx.. dunnoe lar.. glad that andrew understand me and never probe much further.. thanx God for such a wonderful cell group mate..

sianx.. still got so many stufz haven buy.. and tmr a lot of stuz haven pack yet.. yawnx.. eyes closing now.. tmr gona reach there by wad? 9? dunnoe whether i shd go beach road first anot lehz.. haiz..

plz.. i need another 100 bucks.. gimme the hundred buckz.. plz plz plz plz plz.....

y m i in sispec echo 3?

mood: sian
weather: bad
song now: the reason - hoobastank

i'm not a perfect person, there's many things i wish i didnt do, but i cont learning, i nv meant to do those things to you, and so i hafta say b4 i go, that i juz want you to noe,
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i'm sorry that i hurt you.. its sumthing i muz live with everydae, and all the pain i put you thru, i wish that i could take it all away, and be the one who catches all your tears, thatz why i need you to hear
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be, a reason to strat over new, and the reason is you, and the reason is you, and the reason is you, and the reason is you
i'm not a perfect person, i nv meant to do those things to you, and so i hafta say b4 i go, that i juz want you to noe,
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show, a side of me you didnt noe, a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you.

suddenly miss this person so much.. haiz.. dunno wadz coming over me todae.. from the dae of enlistment to sispec i couldnt lift up my spirits at all.. after going to Echo coy, i realize i juz forgot how to smile. maybe its me, maybe its the coy, or maybe its juz another sunny dae.. but still, i've never felt so stressed up b4.. and while ppl around me arent that sensitive to my feelings, i can juz say sumbody todae juz made me feel worse off.. its been a long dae for me.. try all the soc with tekkans.. and realizing this week is still the warm up week.. oreadi a few frenz said i looked very sad and i seldom smile anymore.. but isit sumthing i can control.. you know me.. i laugh when i wan to, and conversely... sianx.. its lyk me.. i scold ppl rite in their face.. cuz i dun lyk backstabbing.. altho that means less frenz.. but i dun give no shit about all this stuffz.. haiz.. you think i dowana be happy? wadeva your reason is.. you sparked off the i-chain.. and the detonator went off.. get it? actuallie i'm not reallie angry with her.. but more of myself and my tremendous luck recently.. not gona elaborate that lest my mood goes further down.. or can it? haiz.. i'm dying.. i'm stressed up.. even my parents and my bro said so too.. but den.. i really dowan it to be lyk this.. haiz.. and yet.. who understands.. dun care liao lar..

if everyone is lyk you~

i miss you soo much i think i'd name my rifle after you, since we muz all give our rifle a name.. haiz.. how how how? i can really say Echo suckx.. i m only the chin up ic and bunk cleaner.. that is so much lesser jobs.. you think so? NO! i still hafta do sum stupid stufz lyk doing the chin up book again? and wad? i dun haf the program necessary for it.. and while i'm suffering in there, yet trying to think of who to call this weekend.. but alwaes end up no time to call cuz always too shack to think.. juz drop onto the bed.. and then.. asked y? haiz..

can you be there for me when i need you?

mood:
weather:
song now:

sianx.. going to army liao.. not enuff sleep..

sat after the wadeva trail to changi all sorts of lame places.. go out with my section ppl.. then went to find kayan at her workplace.. she treated me one cocktail very much lyk vodka lime.. hahah.. then went her house play piano a while first b4 we go kenneth house.. super scary lor.. so big. the bez house i've eva seen lar? haiz.. plae pool till 6.44 in the morning then rush cab home and bathe and brush teeth then chiong to chc.. after that with church ppl till nite.. then badminton.. whoa.. yuhan sis is pro lar.. hahah.. then too shack to think. pei one of the church sis to bukit gombak then home to sleep.. yawnx..

how ar.. sispec lehz.. i so sad.. haiz.. wish me luck.. :(

why why why?

mood: bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavy-hearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, pensive, pessimistic, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone (thesaurus.com)
weather: bad, sunny hot with no life..
song now: life -des'ree

i'm sad, no doubt about it..

y? y m i in sispec? i have so high hopes for it.. i dun think my interpersonal relationships in my platoon is bad.. i think i actually did well in sitest.. i didnt fail my ippt.. i think i'm a man still at least worthy of integrity.. why?

juz bcuz i only get a pass in ippt?

my platoon.. for goodness sake.. only got 2? 2? going to ocs? out of 50, or rather 49.. only two.. thatz absurd.. even yy is not in ocs? y? that is sooo unfair rite? cant blif it.. juz becuz their soc timing is good.. y? i bliff physical is sumthing u can train.. so why forsake those with high anticipation.. haiz. dunnoe wad i writing liao.. v sad.. think i gotta need a whole tub of chocs.. sianx..

i'm v sad.. anyone reading this can call me if you wan to.. be prepared for a lot of shoutings and whinings and hopefully not crying..

haiz.. very sad..

wad can i do? its only ns rite.. i know.. but.. haiz.. why is it alwaes lyk this.. wad is God trying to tell me.. dun anticipate.. you asked me to visualise my dream.. ask me to feel it.. and now.. why..

something that cheers me up

mood:
weather:
song now:

after knowing my posting got v sad..

but after this.. had a v big laugh dunnoe y.. sumhow cheers up my dae..

-before marriage-darling here.. darling there...
-after marriage- baling here.. baling there..
-before marriage- i die for you
-after marriage- "you die, up to you."
-lagi lama married- you die i help you!
-before marriage-you go anywhere.. i follow you.
-after marriage- you go anywhere.. up to you.
-lagi lama married- you go anywhere better get lost!!
-before wedding-"you are my heart, you are my love"
-after wedding- "you get on my nerves"
-before wedding-"you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella"
-after wedding- "you are worse than godzila"
-before wedding- roses are red, violets are blue. like it or not, i'm stuck with you.
-after wedding- roses are dead, i am blue. you get on my head, i will sue you.

mood:
weather:
song now: rooftop


Starin' at the broke street light,Some of those lonely nights,I didn't know if we would make it through.Stayin' up 'til 5 AM,Watchin' the sun come up again,I'd do it all again if i could.So if I call will you be there?I miss the nights we used to share...Up on the rooftop,Listening to punk rock,Nobody believed that,This could be our one shot,That was all we had...The nights that we wasted,Got us through the days that,Seemed never ending,Always in a haze but, We just didn't care...No, we just didn't care...The only place that we could go,Starin' at a world we didn't know,Wondering if this was all we had.40 ounce, intoxicated dreams,All our faded memories,That's what made us who we are today.So if I call will you be there? (If I call will you be there?)I miss the nights we used to share..

my fav songs playing now..

mood: weather: song now: jaded - mestThere's a time and place, for everything. There's a reason why, certain people meet. There's a destination, for everyone. What's the explanation, when we're done? All the summer nights spent wondering; So many questions asked, but no one's answering. Would it be okay if I left today? Took my chances on what you said was wrong? I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless. Not sorry, and I'll never regret. These years spent, so faded and reckless. Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years. I'll never regret these years. Now here i sit, so far away. Remembering all our memories. Its times like these that I miss you most, remembering when we were so close. I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless. Not sorry, we'll never regret. These years spent, so faded and reckless. Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years. We'll never forget the places we've been, you and i. Our lives are slipping away. Don't want to let time pass us by, byyyyyyy... [Benji] I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless. Not sorry, and I'll never regret. These years.... ...spent, so faded and reckless, not sorry, and I'll never regret... I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless. Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years

ocean avenue - yellowcard

There's a place off Ocean Avenue Where I used to sit and talk with you We were both 16 and it felt so right Sleeping all day, staying up all night Staying up all night There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street We would walk on the beach in our bare feet We were both 18 and it felt so right Sleeping all day, staying up all night Staying up all night If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever Let your waves crash down on me and take me away There's a piece of you that's here with me It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by I can make believe that you're here tonight That you're here tonight If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together Let your waves crash down on me and take me away I remember the look in your eyes When I told you that this was goodbye You were begging me not tonight Not here, not now We're looking up at the same night sky And keep pretending the sun will not rise Be together for one more night Somewhere, somehow If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

rooftop

Starin' at the broke street light,Some of those lonely nights,I didn't know if we would make it through.Stayin' up 'til 5 AM,Watchin' the sun come up again,I'd do it all again if i could.So if I call will you be there?I miss the nights we used to share...Up on the rooftop,Listening to punk rock,Nobody believed that,This could be our one shot,That was all we had...The nights that we wasted,Got us through the days that,Seemed never ending,Always in a haze but, We just didn't care...No, we just didn't care...The only place that we could go,Starin' at a world we didn't know,Wondering if this was all we had.40 ounce, intoxicated dreams,All our faded memories,That's what made us who we are today.So if I call will you be there? (If I call will you be there?)I miss the nights we used to share..

why why why?

mood: haiz
weather: haiz haiz
song now: now that you're near - hillsong

dun pass judgement b4 u noe anything
dun ask me to say sorrie when u dunnoe anything
dun try to act as a big brother when u cant handle to be one
dun made my heart waver again

please.. for goodness sake. change urself..

i'm saying to me.. as well as the people whom i dun lk todae.. been thinking about pastor kong's sermon once.. everywhere pain.. but the pain actually comes from the finger.. so isit me.. or isit juz i'm unlucky..

haiz.. todae.. i'm thinking.. how can a person's reputation be so bad.. where the ppl cant.. juz.. haiz.. dunnoe wad to sae oso.. but u really needa reflect upon urself if this kinda thing happens.. and i'm definite that DIS is not about me but about YOU.. haiz..

todae.. watched the son of mask.. i can sae its a v lame show.. but dunnoe y.. i dun think my money is wasted.. maybe time a little.. but not my money.. y i dunno.. maybe its juz the company ba.. haiz.. todae got so pized of it takes 2+ packet of choc to simmer down.. haiz.. dunnoe wad to sae liao lar.. haiz.. realize my haiz is getting a lot arh.. but when a person gets too disappointed.. haiz.. todae's sermon was gr8 lar.. really.. and for ppl reading this.. plz help me pray for my mum too.. i hope God can really touch her.. both physically.. and mentally.. i wana c her get saved.. she's my mum.. no matter how my lips said how much my mum is more lyk a fren to me.. she is still my mum and i recognize that fact.. and i wana c her gd..

my eyes can hardly open.. 3 daes of marathon.. whoa.. really once in a lifetime experience.. hahha.. can only look at the screen and type liao.. cant even look down to check.. yawnz..

jasmine.. take care.. i hate to c you cry.. i hate to c ppl cry.. cuz in my heart i cry often.. when ppl cry.. i cry in my heart too.. and i dowan ppl to cry.. becuz that feeling.. the exploding sorrow in me i experienced.. i dun wan any body else to experience it.. i hav it everydae.. the corner of my heart nv stop aching.. all the more i dun wan ppl to cry becuz that feeling really suckx.. i dun mean keep everything inside. but be happy.. thank God u still haf this breath..

when ppl dunno me well.. they wanna judge me.. am i a person who say sorry easily.. how deep do you noe me? only my beztez fren who noe me well.. noe that i dun sae "promise" and "sorry" easily.. and i think thatz wad makes it so valuable.. and trust not misplaced.. so.. w/o noeing if i did it anot.. which i didnt.. or wadsoeva reason.. dun ask me to sae this two words.. for they are more precious than any other words int he dictionary (of cuz other than God.. but i do sae God often.. lyk saying i love God!).. and plz noe me better.. as to leng kian.. i dunnoe how u noe how i tease my sister.. but for ur info please get ur facts rite first.. if i'm joking or i really mean it.. so dun pass unnecessary comments if u dunnoe anything.. to prevent further misunderstandings..

sianx.. saw sumthing related to my dream again.. haiz.. i dun wana be jacob.. i wana be israel..i will pray earnestly for my ocs and my future to be in the breakdance ministry.. of cuz.. i would work hard.. but God.. help me too.. plz..

how?

mood: guilty
weather: ...
song now:

ming tian de wei xiao - fish leong

happy bdae jas~ and i really hope that its a happy bdae.. haiz..

how ar.. jasmine cried todae.. really shocked me.. cuz you're juz beside me, and u stareted sobbing.. and no one around.. contemplating wad i shd do.. shd i console you and ask you wad happen and stufz? no i didnt.. juz open up my bag and pass my tissue paper over.. then look elsewhere again.. no right to intervere.. no guts to interfere.. if u're so-and-so.. maybe i would go that in double quick time and offer a shoulder.. but so-and-so.. haiz..

and after that i noe the reason.. the more guilty i feel.. haiz.. muz be my fault.. every week.. tease her about how she do.. and todae at stadium.. without fail.. suan her again.. and after talk to her oso.. say wad be the devil.. and stupid stufz lydat.. haiz.. i dun blame you lehz.. haiz.. made me so guilty.. wad shd i do?

its ur bdae.. dun be sad.. u're the zhu jue lehz.. haiz..

haiz

mood: sian diao
weather: cooling larz
song now: ting bu dao

>.<

laz nite stay over at fer hse ar.. whoa.. 3+ am den sleep lorz.. then hafta wake up at 630 to prepare and took cab to pasir ris to send martin off.. then meet him, went back to tekong.. took a little tour, canteen, auditorium, then meet up with martin again and eat the pathetic cookhouse food again.. then off liao.. martin.. take care.. then went to white sands.. gd jialiang remind me off two impt person bdae coming soon.. very soon.. shop ard.. oh.. todae whole dae.. isit me or isit everyone think that its weird for me to buy a present for jasmine myself ar.. haiz.. wadeva~ lyk private poh now got anything to scared lydat.. well.. if talking about scared.. there's one thing i AM afraid of.. plz dun let wad i think be true.. even so.. let me cope it with grace and being cool-headed no matter wad decisions i made..

oh.. decisions.. watched hitch laz nite.. super gd show.. to create opportuninty to love and not to create opportunity to con.. lyk that principle.. hahaha.. that is a so super gd show lar.. hahah.. oh ya hor.. after the show still hafta follow my fren to meet her fren then take a super long bus ride home.. hahah.. but nvm lar.. fan zhen xian zhe ye shi xian zhe.. hahaha.. super shack.. now 0112.. hafta wake up at 0800 tmr.. jialat.. how.. nvm lar.. c how lor.. yawnz.. oh ya.. tmr still hafta buy car and prez for s.veron.. hahaha.. haiz.. wad to do now? sleep ba..

~a kiss daily is good for your health~

P O P

mood: wad to do to do?
weather: cloudy/windy
song now: yi ye zhang da - fish leong

zhen de bu xiang ma?

yesterdae was my big dae. the first promotion of rank. from a chao recruit to a private who underwent basic military training and expected to be traineeeed~ soldier.. (as they put it) but its also a dae with mixed emotions. everything's gonna be different again.. i'm glad.. i'm sad.. glad that i've endured all this thru, by the grace of God.. but sad too.. becuz i'm leaving this whole bunch of frenz i've stick with for 2 months.. thru tears and joy.. i've been with them.. thru all the chao geng.. do and dun get caught.. taking the lift and pressing 2nd floor again.. competing to say i love section 1 every nite.. even the laz nite i snatched it.. alwaes competing with jason and vege.. and the playing soccer with a lousy ball at the foyer.. and when a sir come we'll knock it down, kick away the shoes (acting as goal posts) and do pumping 2geder (chao geng).. and sing wad infantry song after every pumping.. the late night.. sitting at the foyer till 1,2+ am and tok practically about nothing.. the radio and singing (or blabbering for sum) loudly in the bunk yet still enjoying ourselves.. the purposely go tease the instructor until get pumped oso feel v happy and willing to do the pumping.. the pizza party on the laz dae.. the spraying of water thru fire hose and camou cream on sergeant ha lin.. the garang on first dae of field camp that made sgt augustine soo proud.. the purposely ankat bola (i would not say ps is my angel again).. the washing of toilet till late night and still shouting away, spraying away the water on each other instead of really washing toilet.. the ru lai shen zhang of toilet inspection.. the bcct lessons that made us so pized yet so fulfilled.. the shooting lessons.. the coming back to whiskey coy line thru viper side to escape horrendous breakfaz and cook noodles instead.. the silence every 6am/6pm.. the anyhow march and scold scorpion the **** shop.. the special salute between me and jiawei and jason.. the field camp turnouts and walking of long distances tog.. the 24 k route march and the complaints afer we noe its close to 30k.. (i think its more..) everytihng.. the gaying between me n yy when ps say one got left one got rite ball.. everything.. all the memories are countless.. i miss all these frenz.. all the platoon 4 ppl.. be it v good frenz or sabo kings.. i miss you all..

on the fazcraft.. as the tear trickle down.. i see whiskey coy for a laz time.. unlez i go sispec or posted here again.. i miss everything.. the roti john and the foto taking.. everything.. y so many so happy lyk they had been thru hell? for me.. its one of the bez moments in my life.. i miss my bmt life.. do you?

pop?

mood: sianx
weather: hot
song now: pieces of me

yawnz

laz nite slept over at fund hse.. so sorriez.. supposed to haf fun but knocked out once i reached his house.. haha.. got my due punishment anyway wad. no blanket in the arctic -lyk living room.. craziee lorz.. even worse than benson's room.. haiz..

basically yesterdae did nothing lar.. bac course.. get ourselves all dirty and smelly then bathe and book out.. then home then sajc o take my results liao.. pretty satisfied with my results lar.. hahah.. got A A B C and B3 for gp.. (A1 for chinese AO laz year).. so i did pretty well in this a levels lorz.. maths i expect to get a lar.. but physics? hmm.. then chem B? a subject i pon for almoz one and a half year? a B? hm.. well.. econs.. as expected.. a C max.. confirm cant get anywhere higher.. haha.. oh! gp i got b3? so i dunid the proficiency test liao.. yeh! can slack more liaoz.. hmm.. then vincent got bbc i heard.. but i still rem that time after the a levels he bragging away about all the subjects.. but now y lydat.. so the disgust actuallie turns into contempt.. but then again changed into pity and commiseration.. i am being true here cuz i dowana act even in my own blog.. altho i oso nv reallie "act" in real life.. but the inner feelings.. haiz.. bleahx.. and julian.. i think he quite poor thing.. his efforts nv really pay off as he expected.. benson too.. why is the world lydat? i dunno.. but all i know is that everything happens for a reason.. so if everyone can take it and press on in life.. they can definitely find the purpose of everything.. even themselves..

and moz of all.. thank you lord.. thank you for everything.. and my life.. thank you for this breath of life in me.. and blez ys'sfamily.. and our condolences may reach their hearts and know that their beloved ys hasnt lived in vain.. and i dare to say one thing.. tho now it cannot be seen or proven.. but i oreadi set my heart to thank you for wadeva results i may take.. maybe i nv tel anyone.. maybe only this one gal.. sorta know i oreadi bent on leaving it to God's will.. so know that im not as pessimistic as you think.. and trust me..

hahah.. those who exalt himself would be humbled and those who humble themselves shall be exalted.. y be lyk the pharisees and tel the whole world when its only between God and me.. i think thatz true.. but i shouldnt lie either.. nvm.. i noe wad i shd do liao..

sianxz. i'm leaving my platoon mates soon.. i'll definitely miss them.. dowana tok about it liao.. haiz..

oh.. i received this letter from this super good fren... and so happy.. to noe that all is not forgotten.. and i'm actuallie remembered.. hahha.. even by ppl in pri sch.. hehez.. so glad arhz.. thanx ar karboon.. and you.. the one who sent the letter.. heez.. you jiayou too.. and i read the letter b4 i went to get the results.. so i think it sorta encouraged me at the very rite time.. God muz haf a reason for everything..

if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

dunno wad i can say liao.. army life i shall write after i pop ba.. hahah.. now to eat lunch.. and talk to my mum for everything.. army, a's, life.. blah blah.. and to tell her i love her.. i'm such a mummy's boy dont you think so? ;p