still..

mood:
weather:
song now:



still smiling..

^_^

mood: -_-
weather: -_-
song now: jaded - mest

sorrie.. i'll never regret these years..

i'm sorrie.. juz so sorrie..

today's ps ulf message is quite special.. at first was getting out of the sermon outline.. but he said sumbody needed this msg.. and turnout a lot of ppl needed this msg..

about being lost.. returning to the first love.. remembering the fire we used to haf.. about the decision we are going to make.. and the amazing is that this specific msg to an individual is speaking to almoz everyone in the hall.. tears flow everywhere..

except mine..

i need sum1... not juz any1..

sum1 is not any1..

that sum1.. has not yet appear.. juz hope its not too late.. maybe the person has arrived.. juz that i dunno yet.. but b4 i noe it.. perhaps.. hmm.. ^.-"

jasmine and andrew tok to me juz now.. was glad that they tok to me.. kinda helped me a little..

but maybe i AM a lil too rebellious.. thats not a gd sight in a christian... but come to think of it.. there are far much worse tots and actions i've taken that is not worthy of a christian.. and ppl said.. as long as u are truly repentent, u still haf hope.. but the thing is.. i knew it.. and i still break it.. i noe its the devil.. but i still succumb to it intentionally.. i dunon what has come over me recently..

i heard God's voice once.. finally.. i was wondering how was it like.. maybe with echo-ing.. like in white clouds and everything juz come to a standstill.. so fictional.. well.. that may happen to sum.. but at least what i experienced today was totally different from how i pictured it to be..

its that small little voice.. coming out from nowhere.. its not even a voice.. juz a thinking in ur mind.. a peacefulness.. but u juz noe its more than juz a wishful thinking.. its juz more thatn a tot.. its a voice yet its not heard.. it came out from nowhere.. juz when u least expect it.. amazingly that small voice juz overcome everyone noise in the surrounding and ur mind is only set on that tot.. its amazing..
but what i heard was..

sumthing lydat-"if u get thru this.. u will grow very much stronger in me"

i thank unlimited times for this touch.. but i hate the word "if".. it means.. i haf a choice of giving up.. and judging from me.. the devil is very strong in me.. at least for me now..

maybe i juz need that sum1 to come sooner..

but i dunno y i'm on a strike now..

i really dunno y..

anw.. i almoz got knocked down by a car.. me n jasmine.. well.. at least i'm sure i'm still a correct state of mind.. cuz all i think about was that she wun die (as she said she tot she will).. cuz i'm there.. all i can think was as long as i'm around i wun let her die.. not bcuz i like her or anything.. but at least i'm still myself.. the old me.. i wun let any of my loved ones, including all my family, all my friends, even if they duno or rem my name, i juz wun let them come to any harm..

i guez i'm still me ba..

i need sum1..

everyone that i toked to for the past one month.. sorrie.. u're not the one.. cuz i tried so hard to ind. but its juz not you..

i need to cry..

my heart got so numb.. that i tried to cry and only my heart bleeds..

when i'm still smiling in front of u all..

^_^

mood:
weather:
song now:



inspired by a fren.. enjoy..


music video code by urbnmix.net & theanimenation.com
kiss - because im a woman - k-pop

dream

mood:
weather:
song now:



finished a comic that i.ve read for close to a month le ba..

so.. wadz on my mind is juz.. wad is my dream? i juz listen to my surrounding.. go jc.. go uni.. beta go nus.. and i juz random picked a course and i got my 1st choice.. but i really duno.. my dream..

sumthing in me.. i know it.. this is not the lifestyle i wan.. i wan an extraordinary lifestyle.. its lyk.. i've this resposibility to earn for my family.. i'm the highest educated.. all their hopes of a gd old retired life is upon me.. but i wana pursue my dream..

but if i do so..

i may haf to give up everything that i have.. my results so far.. ppl's expectations of me.. everything.. i can go around preaching to ppl about how gd is a gd education is..

but wad if its not wad i'm looking for..

i still cant see my dream.. but i think i can sense it.. i noe i see that long ago.. but i cant recognize it only..

i need my vision..

it has been about a few years since this tot came back to me again ba..

isit a waste to let go of my academic abilities.. all my freenz noe i dun study.. and i dun care about exams.. but why do i always get gd results. and ppl expect more from me.. then i hafta perform better.. then higher expectation..

cant sumbody enlighten me?

but if i go for my dream..

wad if i fail.. i have nothing to fall back upon.. and my whole life would be in a deep pit.. so..

hmm.. wadeva.. let the future worry for itself ba..