y isit that is to go isnt meant to go but escape when time's still young and grap hold of you when u can finally let it go?

mood: not v gd
weather: not v gd
song now: yi lu xiang bei

y is the whole world dying?

isit me? that brings forth a curse to everyone near me to suffer the lost of the loved ones?

so many, until the laz one i rem was chang qi's uncle, then ching soon's dad aat a young age.. i was msg-ing sum frenz.. telling them how i felt.. wishing it beta not happen to me again to see a dear fren suffer the pain of losing sum1 they love.. and yesterdae.. juz got news that shuting's grandma juz passed away.. shuting, the gal whom i thank God for to have a memorable encounter with God.. one of my closest frens in the cell.. yet again..

u can call me crazy.. but when my frenz get upset, i get upset too.. i seem to be able to feel their pain and so lost at how fragile life is.. one moment u c them, another momnet they are gone.. sumtimes i'm really so afraid.. since young i have this fear of losing my parents one dae.. and i chose to avoid that problem since young.. but todae juz brought me back to this 10+ year ago qn.. what if they to leave me suddenly.. life is so fragile.. call me a crybaby, but i dun think i can live w/o them.. i do quarrel with them sumtmes, giving them the cold shoulders even when they shower me with love.. but i still love them gr8tly.. i cant imagine life w/o them.. i noe i gota learn to be independent.. but this long-avoided qn juz seem to be haunting me ever since i heard the news of shuting's incident..

i'm scared.. my parents are not saved yet.. i dun wana c them in.. Help me, God.. You said the whole household will oso be saved.. i believe in You.. so move your power in them , touch them and let them know of your presence..

todae's blog seem a bit childish.. but who cares..

anw.. it has been one year + since i came to church.. actually i can understand why me n jl can grow so faz.. bcuz we dun come in and receive Christ lyk moz ppl do.. juz believe and waiting to have an encounter with God.. We cried when we first received Him.. or did he? i dunno.. but i do.. a heartbreaking period for me.. a down period.. which then made me haf a supernatural encounter with God.. thatz y.. my faith is not of common cheer, but of total dependence and trust.. in other words, i learnt it thru the hard way.. and tot to myself.. i nv want to suffer this kinda problem again.. i'll nv gonna get into it again.. not to be hurt again.. the only time i tried to be gentle, submissive to a gal, i realize it cant work.. but the laz time i unknowingly did it otherwise, but y doesnt it work too? i dunno.. my fault for that time tho.. haiz.. dunno lar.. but nv to be hurt again..

but.. but.. but.. y does this stupid feeling, anticipation, yearning for a glance, hoping for a look, even the voice, comes back to me again.. what shd i do Lord? i'm worried.. i'm scared.. my heart hardens, but is melting again, but what if it is crushed again.. i dun wana cry for months again..

anw.. juz went to frenster and realize a lot of the frenz in church uses it.. so i spammed dunno how many add-frenz and add lyk siao.. hope its a positive reply.. yea.. gonna book in soon.. with tons of problems weighing on my mind.. shd i or shd i not?

nan quan ma ma, or my shadow?

mood:
weather:
song now:

my bro tell me to go listen to their songs, kinda lotsa meaning in it yea? ^_-


小时候


巨炮: 小时候常常望着窗外的天空
幻想长大以后 能实现从前作过的美梦

长大后发现世界真的不同
不知该要往哪走 还是停在原地一动也不动

盖瑞: 我无力再逃脱 眼看着时间溜走
想回到小时候

巨炮: I Wanna Stay Or Stay Away
I Wanna Stay Oh 最真最美丽的童年

我 Stay I Wanna Stay
Or Stay Away Ow ...

杰伦 : I Wanna Stay Or Stay Away
I Wanna Stay Oh 最真最美丽的童年

我 Stay I Wanna Stay
Or Stay Away Ow ...
弹+豪: 听你讲 你讲 为什么大汉之后
世界拢变的不同 是不是听到小时候的那条歌
我的目屎 就会直直流不离 擦不离

继续唱 唱到阮完全拢无声
才会了解阮要对叼飞 对叼位走
是不是大汉之后 大汉之后 大汉之后
阮才知道 咱的辛苦 拢有价值

all the dreams i had when i was young.. big ambitions, small wishes.. all those that nv come to pass.. i seem to put them at the back of my head, or worse still, out of my mind totally.. shd it be lydat? i duno.. the lost dreams.. i cant them back anymore.. so i guez i juz hafta follow the new ones? *shrugs*


香草吧噗


宇豪: 昨晚下过雨后 操场的湿气很重 篮球场上的水滴也没有干过

弹头: 雨水流过的泥土 味道很浓厚 操场的青草香 不时飘到我梦中

巨+瑞: 上课的时候 稚气的脸孔 还在想 那颗球 怎么老是投不中

全: 最后十分钟 大家开始倒数 比赛谁先 冲到福利社

弹+豪: 怎么停留 回忆总是出现在我想起之后 这样稚气的面容现在 还有没有
怎么重播 如此念旧的镜头在离开之后 场景人物画面时空都还没变过

巨炮: 校门口外卖把噗的老柏 那胡须越长越多 放学后篮球场上 只剩我留到最后

盖瑞: 苦练再苦练 经过的女生都看不见 先别想那么多 反正选不上我

宇豪: 趁手上白色的把噗 还没溶化的时候 悄悄跟在她背后 希望那上帝保佑

弹头: 劝自己别再?种 买了三年香草把噗

全: 把把把把把把噗 也该送到她手中

弹+豪: 刷刷牙洗脸后早餐从来没吃过 隔壁巷子的女孩已经出发
再晚点就来不及假装经过 进教室在升旗过后 打手心 还好还好
啦啦啦啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦啦 啦啦啦啦 啦啦

弹头: 怎么停留 回忆总是出现在我想起之后 这样稚气的面容现在 还有没有
怎么重播 如此念旧的镜头在离开之后
场景人物画面时空都还没变过

巨+瑞+豪: 那段从前 怎么去捡 光阴似箭 一直向前 羞涩画面 不断重演

全: 啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦啦啦啦啦 啦 啦啦啦啦
啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦
从 前 的那个我 已 经 长大成熟了 时 间 开始倒流
日 子 一样在过 只 有 努力和坚持 才 能 成就拥有 啦 啦 啦
啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦 啦


anw.. reiko leaving soon.. kinda miss her.. and her lame qns.. dunno y i seem to b attracting a lot of this kinda qns huh.. haha... sianx.. one less person in the cell group juz isnt that gd.. its lyk a big faminly.. and whoeva noe that stitch sentence plz kindly put it up on the tag board.. sum wad family means no one gets left behind.. yea.. kinda lydat.. can c she's v v sad to leave us.. think all of us will miss her ba.. but she hafta leave.. all of us noe that.. juz pray that God may blez her in everything she do and ans all her prayers ba..

i noticed recently many ppl weird weird de.. in my cell oreadi got a few.. esp gurls.. dunno wassup with them oso.. hmm.. anw i kinda worried for martin.. dunno wad to do with him oso.. i want to help so much but there seems to be nothing i can really do about it.. then my bunk oso.. sum ppl oso guai guai de.. think this world only left me.. ben ben de.. sit there.. doing nothing.. can smile juz lydat.. lyk sum craziee guy i think.. hahah.. guez sum nuts getting loose in me huh..

i wanna stay

reiko going soon

mood:
weather:
song now: yi lu xiang bei - jay chou

hai shi hen xiang

haiz.. one of my cell group members is leaving soon.. she really brought a lot of laughter and life into the ceel group.. also.. the frenz she brought in. guezed they would nv forget her about how she changed their lives.. wish her all the bez in her endeavours ba.. haiz.. sad..

circumstances change ppl or ppl change circumstances? i alwaes tot well of the latter.. but well.. i'm beginning to see things in a different way.. not saying my opinion was wrong.. but somehow or rather i seem to accept more of the word "fate" now.. i used to think fate is in our hands.. and we can do evrything we can to change the outcome.. of cuz.. this is true.. but a different light seem to be getting in me.. sumtimes really everything juz happens for another thing to happen.. a sequel of another.. and continues on and on.. haiz.. yawnx..

as i promise, if u are hurt, i'd be the first to run to your side and lend you a shoulder to cry upon and accompany you all the time..

anw.. tmr.. its one year anni! haha.. so faz.. i oreadi noe all this ppl for one year.. haha.. life's gr8 with them man.. heez.. actually i wana make a vow tmr one.. but i guez its juz not the time yet.i can feel it.. no point doing it so the date would be nice.. i shd juz follow Your's timetable.. yupz.. haiz.. forgot to bring my bible out.. left it in camp.. wad to do man..

juz now dinner went out with my cell to ps and ate pizza at pizza hut.. v fun lor.. keep taking fotos and stufz.. haha.. fun dae.. guez reiko quite touched by all the presents and stuffz.. haha.. hope she wun forget this dae, and moz imptly, muz rem us lor..

juz learnt yi lu xiang bei guitar.. sianx.. think i go practise liao.. yawnx.. tmr still got service leh.. yay!! so muz try to sleep early..

^0^

mood:
weather:
song now:



开场白 -
A E B D
E B E D(Dm)

对不起 -
D1 D2 A2 D2
C#2 D2 A2
D A B G

after +1
分手圣诞节 -
D G F# E F# C# D
F# G A#

^_^

mood: ..
weather: ..
song now: 童? - 光良

wad a week...

this week i got long weekend.. or rather.. only book out on fri so i can go east coast on sat for army stufz..

anw.. i'm sooo glad i can make it for prayer meeting this time.. the laz one.. so lucky.. i only got hold of news that i can really book out on fri this wed.. so i immediately call howard that i can book out on fri nite on the condition i go to east coast early nex morn for a run.. i asked for his advice and like wad i hope.. we both tot i shd go for the prayer meeting.. so its lyk.. after book out rushed home then to church for the prayer meeting.. then after that oreadi morn rushed to east coast juz to realize its cat 1 and wasted time there till 11+.. then play a while of pool with my fren cuz i gotta rush for cell group later.. heez.. then i shared testimony on my ippt and experience on fri nite.. budden.. close to 40 hrs of no sleeping.. i dozed off at the cell group.. think sis. veron a bit bu shuang wo lor.. haiz.. not that i wan.. haven really got a time to slow down, not to mention rest ever since i book out.. was deciding whether to go out with martin anot or to rest.. asked andrew about whether i shd go and c can push him anot.. budden.. we agreed i shd go back rest.. and so.. i really.. i really mean really rested v long and finally get back my rest.. juz went to church.. i pledged quite an impossible amount..

but all things are possible with God rite? heez.. i believe that the provision for his work will come so i'm not really worrying about that.. heez.. but today really got a little disappointed.. haiz.. dunno how to say.. but then.. haiz.. oso dunno why lahz.. ^_^

keep hearing this song by guang liang as my title has said.. upon listening to this song sum feelings flood back.. maybe u haf forgotten about the promise i made.. but i really will keep to it.. i blif so..

realized that my relationships with certain ppl has not been as gd as b4.. really sad to haf this kinda feelin.. maybe its due to the time spent together.. or maybe bcuz of sum incidents.. how can i get back a free-and-easy relationship back.. haiz.. my fault.. no. but still... i can do sumthing about it.. but i'm not doing it.. hmm.. wadeva lah hor..

its jo's bdae soon.. think he might think i forgot.. but well.. i probably wun haf time for his bdae party oso.. so betta dun let him noe that i noe lar rite.. later he say i ps them again.. under such circumstances i really dun haf much choice rite.. hmm..

anw.. i fast whole week for todae! no lar.. juz skip the meat only.. rice and veg still enters my stomach.. hehez.. since i cant totally dun eat on wed (i'm in army u noe.. tcc summmore..) i guez i juz hafta do this ba.. hahah.. but still i can get my ippt gold wad.. c.. all things are possible with God..

Acts 18:10
"For I am with thee, and no man shall set on thee o hurt thee: for i have much people in this city"

becuz You are with me, i fight the fight of faith fearlessly

haiz

mood: sianx
weather: cooling ba..
song now: tong hua

dunno wad to say lar

haiz.. really dunno wad to sae lar.. nvm.. since its oreadi a thing of the past i shall not talk much about it.. i dun blame or dislike any of their behaviours.. cuz i noe they care.. but still.. i'm mature anuff. maybe its my way of presenting? i dunno.. haiz.. what i can do is just to make sure that i dun commit the same mistake again ba.. yea..

shall not limit my own abilities.. hehez.. i haf a potential to begin with!!! haha.. lyk i dunno lydat... but still feel different to hear that msg.. then rev kong makes the whole service so enjoyable lar.. such a complex topic to youth he still tackle it very well.. haha.. pro eh.. haiz.. too bad i'm not receiving that msg with my beloved cell group.. haha.. anw.. todae my main purpose is for the service and make up cell.. but then.. i feel so guilty to have a secondary motive to going.. i juz cant.. you noe.. haiz.. wadeva lar hor.. but still.. dunno lar.. today i got my pay.. but after tithe of 100, 50+ of amry foodstufz (pig lar i noe), then 90 to dad.. then 50 to starhub, 20 to chang qi, 20 to martin, 50 to ky.. whoa.. c how much i haf left.. hahaha.. really dunno how liao..

anw i juz heard this stupid gd song then i keep repeating it juz now.. hahha.. wu ke qun by wu ke qun.. super nice song.. haha.. talented singer i hafta admit.. imitation not bad lar.. hmm.. a lot of things to do.. shall not blog so much liao.. maybe next time i dun haf guard duty then write more ba... yawnx..

-.-

mood: -_-

no no no.. God help me.. help me stay out of temptation.. the more i try to shun.. the higher the chances are.. haiz.. you know that i've already set my mind firm on 24 july to set my vow for your purpose.. haiz.. help me to set my mind on your ways and not on other distractions that will obstruct my desire to serve you whole-heartedly..

haiz.. so hard to tell others about all these stuffz.. maybe i still can consult ppl on their problems.. but when it comes to me. its like as if i'm mute, or just mental block.. is my mind blocking all the unhappy stufz? i dunno.. but memories kept flooding back when i was in s.g camp... all the memories i have in my jc life..

when i was just walking at ps all day and talking and time seem to stop.. and of course i got caught by kayan and daniel at park mall.. heez.. budden.. it juz ended lyk this.. oso.. when she first put her head on my shoulder.. and mine on her head.. the never ending bus ride.. eternity.. and the kiss.. and then.. clarke quay.. clear night blue sky full of stars.. everywhere.. seems lyk every lame place, i've been before.. the ice-skating, the purposely long bus ride so i can spend more time.. beside smu there and hiding behind the pavilion cuz scared those *ahem gossip.. suntec.. beside bukit timah plaza.. esplanade..

all the beautiful memories.. but oso.. with the sad ones.. the whole week of crying.. maybe all four of us.. or juz me.. i dunno.. everything came back to me so suddenly.. so impactful.. it really beats me why so long after i finished my sch life everything then start coming back.. maybe there's this barrier for me now.. i dunno..

dunno what i'm rambling liaox.. yawnx.. maybe i should juz booked in and face my tank.. at least my tank haven give me any sad experience before..